A Little Too Ambitious

     My first marathon has come and gone and I took a lot from it.  I finished in 4:57:28, well over my intended pace but I think I expected to much out of myself.  In all of my training runs and even the half I ran two weeks ago, I had no problem maintaining a 9 minute pace, so I thought I could carry that over into the full. 
     I ran the first half at the pace I wanted but shortly after that, somewhere in between mile 14 and 15, I bonked hard.  My knees had been bothering me for about 5 miles and I finally gave in, slowed my pace and even walked a little.  After I walked, mentally I had failed myself and my pace slowed even more. 
     Rather than passing people for motivation, I was the guy to pass and it sucked the motivation right out of me. Soon I looked down at my watch and realized I was running a 15 minute pace and I had lost the ability to salvage a great race.  I switched into survivor mode and just tried to finish under 5 hours.
     Eventually I got over the pain in my knees and the bloody nipple and began to pick up the pace.  The last 6 miles was the hardest thing I have ever done.  Even harder than my recon indoc back in the day.  I found a friend who was running in support of diabetes and we finished together.  It was nice to have someone to talk to the last few miles, it was a great distraction.
     The finish line chute was the complete opposite of my race day.  It was the most amazing experience of my life.  At first it was just the little kids who wanted high fives, but soon enough, everyone had their hands outstretched to congratulate me.  I felt like I was sprinting because I was so pumped (I guarantee it was just faster than a shuffle) and happy to be there.
     As I crossed the finish line I saw the medical tent and the medals and I had an internal debate on where I should go first.  I made the smart decision and went to medical to get my knees wrapped in ice and then grabbed my finisher medal.
     I learned that the second half is an entirely different race from the first half and that I need to hang loose in the first 10 - 15 miles in order to conserve a little for the end.  I also have identified that I have a lot of training ahead of me in order to be successful in St. George but I know I have heart to get it done.  I'm still working on the mental aspect, I think a huge factor in my bonk was the games I was playing in my head and creating and upholding expectations that may have been unattainable.  Sometimes I mentally give up if I am off pace or realize that my goal is out of reach.  I need to learn to race to have fun, that's the whole point.